Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
