Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
