I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
