I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jger and an empty bed here Friday.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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