i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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