Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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