I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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