my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
