I met the friendliest cop last night
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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