Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
