I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
