And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
