??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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