Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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