That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
