hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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