I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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