woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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