didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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