Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
