He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
