I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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