Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
