sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
