and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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