so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
