Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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