stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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