My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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