I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
