And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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