when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
