I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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