my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
