White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
