The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
