Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
