i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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