I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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