it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
