oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
