She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
