I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Randomize
