I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
