His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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