I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
