im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
