At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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