Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize