I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
