Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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