Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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