Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
