I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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