So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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