i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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