Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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