everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
