I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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