I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
