I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
These tits shall not be calmed
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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