what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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