i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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