Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Rumble strips road head = magical
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
