We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
