I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
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