i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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