she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
