I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
