a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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