I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
