I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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