I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
