Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I wear drunk well.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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