So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
